Chagit is truly a wrap star in every single way! She is bold, fun, and never afraid to try something new! Every time I come across a photo of her, my first reaction is “Wow!” And then my second reaction is, “How did she do that?!” Here she is, sharing her heart and mind, and teaching us some of her essential tips and tricks! I know you’ll love her as much as I do! (Make sure you click on her photos to get the full impact of amazingness!)
Hi Chagit! Can you tell us a little about yourself; how you spend your time, where you live, family, interesting hobbies etc.?
Hi sweetie and Hello to all those beautiful ladies out there. So before I start I just wanna say that Im super honored that you like my wrapping style. I just couldnt start without first saying, “Thanks”.
Hi again, my name is Chagit Rivera. I was born in Puerto Rico. Grew up in South Florida and now live in Israel with my beautiful family. I’ve been blessed with an awesome husband and seven beautiful kids B’H.
I consider myself to be a busy bee. I’m a stay at home mom and keep myself very busy tending to my house and family. The things that bring me pleasure are cooking shows, decorating, shopping, ice coffee, movie nights with my two older kids, pizza making night with the family, going to the city with my hubby, women’s classes/hanging out with my girlfriends and a clean house. Oh, and I absoluty LOVE wrapping! I LOVE talking about wrapping. I LOVE seeing all the beautiful wraps all around me.
Why do you cover your hair?
I cover for religious reasons.
How long have you been covering your hair? How did you feel about it when you first started?
I’ve been covering for a long long time. I first started covering with hats and that was kinda easy cause I loved hats then I moved to wraps/tichels. I was kinda sad when I had to cover my hair. To me my hair was my beauty. Everyone loved my hair. I always got tons of compliments about my hair. Silly me.
How do you feel about it now?
Thank G-d I was wrong about the whole need to show my hair thing. I love to wrap. I feel like a queen. I feel beautiful, sexy, unique and still a part of something holy, something undescribable.
What inspires your head coverings? Have you always been this creative?
I get inspiration from things around me. From different people. From different colors, from different patterns and textures. Inspiration is EVERYWHERE! I have always been a creative person and this helps me with my wraps. As a matter of fact, you, Andrea are responsible for giving me that extra inspiration. Seeing you do what you do allowed me to try new things and explore this beautiful mitzva. I am forever grateful. Thanks babe.
What colour/pattern advice do you have for other wrappers out there?
Everyone of us is different. We have different backgrounds, different skin tones, different styles. I’ll tell you what I do. I love to use all shades of greens, blues, purple, grays and browns. I love to throw in some polka dots, stripes, animal prints and floral prints. I use the colors that talk to ME and make me feel yummy inside. Cause at the end of the day it brings a smile to my face and others will feel my vibe.
Any tips/tricks/secrets you can share with us?
#1 Trick – My all-time favorite trick is called “HEADBANDS”. Yes, you heard me correctly. I love using headbands. It adds so much to my wrap without adding tons of extra material. People never know its a headband until I tell them and trust me it looks awesome. Its like magic.
#1 Tip – Its just two words. TUCK and PAT. Again, Tuck and Pat. Thats all to it. The results are incredible.
#1 Secret – Well I guess its not a secret anymore. I’m gonna have to say besides my “headbands”, its the fact that I double poof. Yea, sounds crazy but I love it. And since I pin my accessories to my wraps to give it that nice clean look it doesnt hurt.
What are some of the most important hair covering lessons you’ve learned over the years?
Lesson number one: You have to LOVE your wrap.
Lesson number two: velvet handband.
Lesson number three: Simple is also beautiful.
Lesson number four: You have a whole lifetime to get this wrapping thing right. Don’t try things at are gonna overwhelm you. This is a beautiful mitzva. Remember, its beauty and everything else will come together sooner or later.
An inspiring (or funny) hair covering moment that stands out in your mind?
I have inspiring and sometimes funny moments everytime I go in the city. I have NO problem stopping someone and letting her know how beautiful I think her headcovering is and how absolutely incredible she looks. I ask them how they wrapped it, and even where they bought a certain scarf. There is no shame to this wrapping journey I’m on. Oh, and by the way, I don’t speak hebrew so it can get pretty funny cause I find myself talking with my hands more than usual.
What does you hair covering say about your soul?
It tells me that I am a queen. That I am part of a holy plan. That I am not alone. I AM BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN.
Any inspiring words for the ladies on the Wrapunzel blog?
Don’t be afraid to show a little bit of your personality in your wraps. You are all amazing beautiful women.
What are you grateful for right now?
I’m grateful for alot of things. But at this very moment I am grateful to be alive, to have the ability to see G-d’s beauty, to feel a loving hug and to touch my kids’ soft faces – completly humbled by G-d’s everlasting love.
*~*
Thank you so much Chagit for your inspiring words and beautiful photos! Aint she a doll? Oh, guess what ladies!?? She’s started making tutorials! Check these out!
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Meet Ariella! When we first met, I was like, “There’s another blonde, funky, frum (Torah observant), classical musician string player in the world?! Yay!” She seriously rocks my socks off! Here are some gorgeous, fun photos of her, and an interview! You’ll love hearing what she has to say!
Hi Ariella, can you tell us a bit about yourself, how you spend your time, what you love to do, where you live, etc.? Hey there everyone, I’m Ariella Zeitlin-Hoffman, a violinist from Israel. I grew up in Baltimore, and made aliyah to Israel when I was 18 (on my birthday) spent a year learning Hebrew, and then went into the Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance where I met Andrea and her husband Yonatan. Music is a huge part of my life-My parents are kind of the hippie rock stars of the community we lived in, and their Simchat Beit HaShoeva was the place to be for years and years-Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach used to pop in yearly, but I don’t remember him so I don’t have any great stories except there was one year that the whole sukka fell over and I remember a feeling of panic because they were expecting a hundred or so people. My grandfather, Zvi Zeitlin was considered by the NY Times to be the Methuselah of violin players-making a full recital on his 90th birthday! Today I play one of his violins and use a bow which was made exclusively for him by a jeweler named Henry Kasten. So I always had those two important influences in my life-the classical and the folk, and as a musician I’m really connected to both genres, which has made me very in demand (thank G-D!) as a studio player because I keep it in both worlds with note reading, improvising, and playing by ear. Time, time! I’m still at home with our baby, and summer vacation is just finished now so I’ve been spending an awful lot of time with the family-when it’s regular time, which is starting now, I really spend all of my time either playing violin, teaching, spending time with my family, or dealing with the house type of stuff that nobody wants to do (except those crazy Pinterest moms who I aspire to be like). I’m also a super nerdy crafter (seem like the type, eh?) and love to crochet, sew, bake, and upcycle furniture-I love painting and sanding and getting my hands dirty. My husband makes beer so he’s also crafty like that. In terms of work, I teach and I do a lot of freelance work-concerts, bar shows, studio sessions, etc. So I’m really busy! And even when I’m not busy with work, there’s always something else to do. We live today in Herzliya, where my husband works as the Rabbi for Jeff Seidel’s student center, so we have programs of different kinds almost every night of the week in our house. Sometimes I’m there, sometimes not-depends on how worn out I am. I also have the attitude that when I’m at home I’m all at home-I try to keep my mind off of other projects so when I’m at home, and I really try to keep my phone far away until our kids are asleep. With my big daughter in Pre-K, our baby boy is mainly with me except when I have work. Sometimes think about getting a real job and putting him in daycare, but I love being a mom, and he’s an easy kid so I get a lot done.
Do you have a favourite composition? Or a few favourites? Why? So a few months ago, I had a series of concerts where I performed the Mendellsohn Violin Concerto with an all-women’s orchestra from Jerusalem with concerts all over the country. There were 5 concerts in total, and there are some plans to resume the tour in the fall, but nothings set in stone yet. They’re making sure I’m still practicing!! Anyways, back to Mendellsohn. I mean he was just brilliant and stunning in his writing. Gorgeous music. The concerto is also unique because the way it is written is kind of like an exchange between the orchestra and the soloist, and I love how the theme starts in the violin at the beginning instead of the opposite, which is more standard, setting the scene for the drama of the orchestra to come in. Ahh…Mendellsohn. Also the 3rd movement is a lot of fun. Another favorite piece is the Khachaturian Violin Concerto, which is a rich and intense musical drama-Khachaturian was an Armenian and the journey of the Armenians and the Jews has many parallels in the past century. In fact, my great grandparents were jailed in Russia because of Zionist activity, and they were put in front of an Armenian judge for trial, who empathized with their desire for a homeland and instead of sending them to Siberia as punishment, actually sent them to Palestine in 1927. And, and, and…well what I think is so great about loving music is that you’re really familiar with different types of music so you know what you want to hear at different times. There are very few genres that I dislike. I’ve experimented in everything, and love all kinds of music. I love show pieces-pieces written for the violin which classical performers call ‘fluff’-written to impress but not really deep. I play a lot of those in certain types of venues. I love singing, also and am currently working on a few singles of my original songs. I love 50’s rock and roll, I love any band with positive vibes and messages, I love dubstep and trance and folk and rock and fiddle music and country and middle eastern Arabic and am practicing my beatboxing!
How did you feel about hair covering before getting married? So I’d always been back and forth about my feelings about covering. On the one hand, I grew up in a community of coverers. There was only one woman who wore a beautiful tichel on a regular basis, Rivka Malka Perlman, but she was also so gorgeous and striking that whatever she wore on her head would have looked amazing (you all know what I’m talking about). Then I moved to Israel, went to Seminary, started seeing people in tichels, and then I went into University. And that was the first time I heard of this concept of head covering being oppressive to women-to me it was always just something people did, and I never asked too many questions. But all of my opinions were constantly being challenged by the people around me and I really started to question every single thing I had always taken for granted as true and normal. Was hair covering really oppressive? I started looking around and kind of left that particular issue aside-there were so many other issues to deal with and figure out where I stood on them that I hadn’t really thought of before. Then my journey brought me to my husband, and we spent a year and a half figuring out together what Judaism meant to both of us and who we wanted to be-and kind of discovered accidentally that we had fallen in love! So we ended up in the whole whirlwind of everything and the headcovering thing? I still hadn’t really given it a thought. Then when I got engaged, we went to the States and my mother bought me two wigs-a full one and a headband one. And I just kind of went with everything-actually my awesome husband came sheitel shopping with me! Not really done by anyone else, but the concept was so weird for me, that I felt like I needed him along for support, and it was a lot of fun, although I could tell that Tsfat had worn off on him and he wasn’t super into it. It was always taken for granted (for me) that I would cover my hair and I never gave it much thought. I bought a lot of fun wigs from the stores catering to black women that clipped on and I really had fun with the whole thing-but still hadn’t settled on what was me. I think the most important thing for anyone starting out and wanting to cover, is that don’t ever be totally set on what you’re going to wear-and don’t buy a lot of anything until you know what fits your personal style!!
How do you feel about it now and how has the journey been for you? So after I got married, I covered fully, but I really started hating covering. It felt uncomfortable, I felt like I stuck out-I wore a half wig with a hat or scarf to University so nobody would know I was covering fully, and then when someone would come near my head for any reason I would jump out of my skin because I REALLY didn’t want anyone to know I was wearing a wig (and whats the point if you’re trying so hard to make sure nobody knows?) So after a while I forewent the wigs. I almost never wear a wig now except for rock shows where I wear a wig that’s as big as rhode island but that’s for fun, not for modesty purposes. And I started doing what they call the ‘half cover’ where I wear a head covering both as a symbol of being married, as well as covering my head as opposed to all my hair, which is another opinion within the spectrum of Jewish law and which, for now, makes me feel the most myself. It also puts people more at ease in a professional setting, because they think I’m ‘cool’ which I just think is a little nutty, but people judge on appearances. I also do a lot of work in ultra-orthodox places, and I really change the way I look from place to place that I go, depending on the requests of the demographic.
What is your personal favourite way of covering your hair? My favorite way of covering is with a long scarf tied on my head with hair showing in the front and the back. It’s a look that makes me feel super bohemian princess. And I love accessorizing with glittery things! Hair clips, pins, sparkly headbands, and sparkly scarves, of course. I love drawing attention to the fact that I’m covering. Wearing scarves makes me feel like such an example of the beautiful parts of our traditions, especially when people see my fun ties and colorful accessories (probably sounds familiar to most of you on the blog!!)
Tips and tricks that you can share with us? – A couple of months ago, my husband and I did a home improvement project where we bought a broom stick, and chopped it into two pieces-one long and one short. We put them both on the walls with hooks and connected to chains and I now keep all my scarves there-they look so beautiful and it gives me such a wonderful feeling to walk into my room. Also lets me see all my scarves-long scarves on one, headbands on the other. Being able to see everything makes it so much easier to coordinate!
– Don’t buy a lot of anything specific when you’re just starting out. Everyone’s different, you’ll discover styles you love with scarves that you didn’t buy and end up with a hundred of the wrong type, haha!
– Velvet Headbands are amazing-buy at least two! – Those really pretty ones? The more expensive ones? I decided that I wanted to make my own last summer. But I’m the type that never does just one project. So I made 8. They take a LONG time. And they come out wonky if you’re not an excellent sewer. And they cost money for all the materials. The people who are good at making them really deserve what they’re charging. Obviously there’s a lot of value in doing projects for the sake of doing projects but if you look at something and think ‘I could do that myself’ I’d say if you’re pressed for time, or are not naturally meticulous, it’s really ok to invest in something beautiful and that they’re probably not overcharging. So treat yourself every once in a while!
– The confidence you have in whatever you do is way more important than what you’re wearing. In all matters. But be proud of the choices that you make, and always check in with yourself that you really feel good about what you are doing. Obviously there are reasons that people do things besides feeling good, but if you do anything specific, you have reasons that you do them. Make sure that your actions are consistent with your beliefs
Can you share a memorable hair covering moment? A few days after my wedding, when I was still figuring out the scarf thing and it was insanely hot I wore a thin slippery one, which, come to think of it I don’t think I’ve seen in years now but I liked. And if course it fell off in the bank. I unfortunately have had several situations where I was trying to juggle 4000 things and when the scarf came off, I looked around and everyone was kind of waiting for me to freak out-but these things happen, and what can you do. So I’ve just played it cool and I think people were disappointed! But that’s a memorable un-covering hair moment. A memorable hair covering moment would probably be the first time I played in a big show for a Dati-Leumi audience and I layered so many scarves my head almost fell off. But I really wanted that statement look! I try, whatever I am doing, to make the scarves a really important part of my look-because I think looking funky in scarves is an important statement and an important part of my identity.
What are you grateful for right now? I’m grateful for so many things! I often stop and count my blessings and I make grateful lists all the time-I’ve found that for me, gratitude is the thing that makes me feel most happy and satisfied. I also am a huge subscriber to dream charting-where you think about what you want to accomplish, and spend time every day thinking about how to get there, and some of that time appreciating the steps you’ve taken thus far. I have found that, although many people say that it’s hard to have a successful career In addition to being married and having children, that I’m probably much more successful than I might be if I weren’t married to my husband, who keeps me grounded and helps me to achieve success all the time. So he’s number one on grateful! I’m grateful to have a good life, a wonderful, healthy extended family, no debt (finally paid off all my student loans!!!), a successful career in something I truly love, good friends, and lots of dreams!
What do you want to bless the readers of Wrapunzel with for the coming Jewish Year? Judaism is all about starting fresh. Renewal, prayer, repentance, charity, and as we come to the new year, I want to bless you all that every bad moment and memory that is weighing you down will become a stone in the path that you realize that it has helped you to get where you are, and that you can take those moments and accept them, and really look at them with a fresh eye to see how they have brought you to where you are today, accept them, and then leave them be. A lot of people carry around the baggage of old relationships, or of bad situations of any kind. Stop. You are a new person from this very moment. You control your destiny. You are wonderful and talented and brilliant and special. For me, from a young age I had this *one thing* that was my gift. I was fat, I didn’t have many friends, but I was musical-and I felt chained to that description of me, like there was no other thing that I was. At a certain point I sunk into a low point of depression over that thought, but at a later point I realized we really are all a beautiful bouquet of wonderful gifts, and as I got older and was able to recognize my own gifts, I was able to appreciate and love others for their contributions to the world. When you realize that you are wonderful because you have a beautiful soul and you try to bring more joy, light, warmth, and kindness into the world, there is no greater feeling than to recognize that in others. So I bless you all that you can leave your baggage behind in order to bask in the light of the coming redemption!
So I was running out of the house today, ready to do my go-to double braid (the DB), when I thought, why not do three twists instead of two braids? Both use three 2 in 1s, which were already on my head all ready to go! So I tried it, and do I ever like it! What do you think? Do you think this will be the new DB?
Wishing you all a lovely weekend! Remember to take a moment, breathe in the miraculous air around you, and be thankful for all the miracles in your life! Thank you for making the Wrapunzel community the living miracle that it is!
Love, Andrea
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Rivka Malka recently talked me into getting this sari scarf… I was so unsure of it, but she had the foresight to see that it would match and pull together so much of what is in my wardrobe! FYI ladies if Rivka Malka makes a fashion suggestion to you… listen!
I loved wearing this green, orange, grey (toldja the colours were weird!) sari scarf with this outfit yesterday. It was a gorgeous day and my husband was more than willing to snap some photos for y’all!
Have you ever had some advise you or give you something that you weren’t sure about and then you ended up LOVING it? It’s incredible how our friends can see potential in us that we don’t normally see!
Much love, Andrea xx
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Those of you that have been following my sari scarf saga (which started before this blog and even andreagrinberg.com were even in existence) will understand how OVER THE MOON I am about this sari scarf discovery! Last Shabbat, my hands did something miraculous when tying my sari scarf – they figured out how to cover my entire head with the sari scarf (it’s normally not wide enough to do this!) And then I did it again and again! Look!
I know! Can you believe it’s actually possible? I almost couldn’t believe my eyes and am SO happy!! Anyway, after doing this the first time, I proceeded to wrap this style on every woman I encountered thereafter who was interested in wearing a sari scarf! (There were many workshops last weekend – check out the Wrapunzel store page for pics!) So now I have to ask; WHO WANTS A TUTORIAL?
Hope you’re all enjoying this beautiful (and brisk where I live) evening! Love love love!!!
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I’m wearing my favourite sari scarf again… I just can’t get enough of it! Also super excited about this new sash (yes it’ll be available in the store) that just takes everything up a notch without any effort. Notice how different the sari scarf looks when I’m wearing a thicker scarf underneath – more volume at the sides and back! (Try comparing to this post.)
Also notice the sparkly brown scarf underneath… another one of my all time favourites!
Shavua tov everyone!!! Looking forward to a beautiful week! ❤
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There is something just so… warm about this wrap! The soft fabric just works and something about it feels so natural! I can’t put my finger on it, but I know this is one of my new favourites that will be worn again and again!
Have you ever had that happen to you? Have you ever created a wrap that is just so *you* and you can’t quite figure out why?
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Hi Wrapunzelers! I’m happy to introduce you to Rebecca, a woman who proudly wears her tichels in the workplace and writes about her experiences! Here is what she has to say to us Wrapunzel ladies about herself… let’s give her a warm welcome!
Hi everyone!
I’m Rebecca, and I’ve been covering my hair since I got married about for about four and a half months ago. When I was engaged, I put a lot of time and effort into researching how and why I was going to cover my hair. I wanted the mitzvah to be meaningful and something I connected with. I really enjoyed reading the book Hide and Seek: Jewish Women and Hair Covering by Lynne Schreiber. I recommend this book to anyone who is considering covering their hair for Jewish reasons. While I was engaged, I took a trip to a sheitel store and tried on a few wigs, but I just didn’t connect to the wig. So hats, scarves, and tichels it was!
I have a lot of fun covering my hair and matching my coverings to my outfits. And my collection of hair coverings keeps growing! As times goes on, I’m getting better at adding accessories, like hair pins and earrings. I’m still working on getting more of the elaborate tichels and wraps to stay on my head all day without having to re-adjust!
I work as a school psychologist at a public high school with essentially no Jewish community. I had worked at my job for about two years before I got married and covering my hair. So, when I started covering my hair, it was very obvious. I get a lot of questions, comments, and remarks from co-workers and the students I work with. And the remarks are overwhelmingly positive! I get comments saying how classy I look, and I get into meaningful discussions about the Jewish concept of marriage.
Now that I’ve started covering my hair, most of the people I work with know that I’m Jewish. I look at this as an opportunity to be a Kiddush Hashem; to be a positive example for the Jewish people.
Because all of my friends and family enjoyed the stories I told them about the comments I get about covering my hair and being Jewish at work, I started a blog. It’s called Jew In The School: The Adventures of the Tichel-Wearing School Psychologist. You can follow me on Facebook and read the blog too!
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Meet Melissa, a woman with an infectious smile and well-thought-out Modern Orthodox Jewish perspective! After discovering her blog through a friend’s post, I knew that we had to have her on here as this week’s Lady Wrap Star. [drumroll]… here she is!
Hi Melissa, can you tell us a little about yourself? Such as how to do you choose to spend your time, interests, family, where you live, how you describe yourself, etc.?
Hi! I feel like there are so many possible answers, but I don’t want this to become the whole post. So the short answer is that I currently live in Jerusalem with my husband and am learning full time at Nishmat (and next year I will be joining my husband to learn at Pardes). I am a social worker by education, a Jewish communal professional by vocation, and a writer and educator by passion. My primary interests are women’s issues, halacha, and social media and my long term goal is to combine them – so stay tuned to see how that pans out over the years!
How long have you been covering your hair?
I have been covering my hair in some fashion for over five years now! I started working up to it before I got married, and then transitioned to full coverage thereafter. I actually wrote about that recently here:
You have a blog where you have written some of your thoughts on hair covering already. Could you share with us links to those articles?
This is such a fun question because it got me to read back into the archives of the blog to see all the various posts I have made on the topic, and it made me realize that I don’t write about it nearly as often I used to when it was new and unusual – both to me and my community. (I identified as a “Traditional Conservative” Jew when I got married, and even after moving to the “Modern Orthodox” world full time coverage with anything other than a wig was very uncommon. But now I’m in Israel and its just so normative!)
What is your favourite aspect of covering your hair?
Honestly, I love that I get an extra accessory! Even better is that I get a spiritual and religiousness connection from putting it on.
What do you dislike about hair covering? (This can be personal or communal.)
Ironically, the only thing I can say I truly dislike is both. I dislike feeling personally judged by communal norms and expectations about covering. There are often ideas of “if you cover like X than you must be Y” or “if you are A you must cover like B” – and I generally don’t fit any of those ideas, expectations, or boxes.
How do you usually answer people when asked about why you cover?
Now that I am living in Israel, it obviously doesn’t happen nearly as often so I’m having a hard time remembering how I used to address it!
I do find that more often than not a simple “I cover my hair for religious reasons” tends to be enough to strangers, and to those looking for a more real answer, it can be catered to the moment and the person. When it is old friends who ask I answer very differently and more emotionally, while to people I am interacting with in a professional environment I am apt to keep it more simple and legalistic. As with anything, I like to be cognizant of where the other person is coming from and how I can make something which can seem so bizarre make sense in their world view.
Have you feelings about covering changed over time? If yes, how so?
Yes and no.
On a personal level my feelings about the big picture have remained very stable, but there are small things which shift frequently like how much I am comfortable showing and what types of coverage work best for me. I’ve recently accepted that I don’t have to have just one model and its ok to interact with it differently on different days or in different settings – so now I anticipate even less changes.
On a communal level, this is another area where being in the middle of Jerusalem after being in a community that was not so diverse has also been a really interesting experience. My understanding of the variety of ways in which women interact with hair covering has greatly expanded.
What is your favourite way to cover your hair? Do you have preferred scarf/accessory type?
I love to wear scarves during the week and hats on Shabbat, though in the winter I wear more knit beret style hats. How many scarves I wear and how I tie them depends on the weather, my planned activities for the day, and whether or not I have a headache. (I also always keep an extra plain cotton tichel and/or knit beret in my bag in case I need to change if I overheat or get a migraine.)
What do you look for when selecting/shopping for scarves?
I look for fun and interesting patterns, designs, and colors. Some of my favorite scarves were purchased from Target or other similar stores where they were clearly not intended to be headscarves!
I also look for random things which can serve as accessories, like fabric belts, pretty ribbon, or fun hair-ties. I am of the mentality that head-covering inspiration is everywhere – you just have to look for it!
What have you learned about hair covering in regards to your personal style, face shape, colouring, hair type, etc.?
I look best with a bit of hair showing on my hairline, either my bangs out or tucked back but with a finger or two’s worth of my hairline exposed and have to put my scarves behind my hears because of my piercings. (I have six holes in my middle and upper ear.) I also have a lot of hair, but it is very fine, so I like to wear a wig grip and something to add volume, but what that is also depends on what sort of scarf style I am tying. I also don’t like having a lot of height on top of my head (I’m tall enough) or bulk to the sides (I’m pretty narrow), and I don’t like having tails hanging down (distracts me) – that means I often wind up with a lot of bulk on the back of my head.
As for hats, I look best in the cloche style hat which sits close to the face. As much as I love big floppy hats, they just swallow me up!
Can you share with us one of your happiest and/or most vidid hair covering memories?
I have to share two, ok?
I remember having a huge dilemma for my wedding. I had already been wearing wide headbands for months and couldn’t imagine not having some sort of head covering on my wedding day – despite people reminding me that it was my last chance to not cover my head. So, I knew I needed a veil for the ceremony, but I didn’t really want to wear a veil all night because it just wasn’t going to work with my style. Eventually, I decided to wear a birdcage veil and just folded it back on top of my head for the reception and got my wide headband look and veil in one, and it worked with my style! It was a total win-win.
The other distinctive thing is a total Israeli thing. Here I have discovered that if I am wearing a knit beret or a hat, people tend to speak to me in English or give me an English menu, but if I am wearing a scarf I am approached more in Hebrew and always given Hebrew menus. One day, I told someone I didn’t understand what they were saying and they repeated it in Hebrew, and I again told them I did not understand, and the person yelled back at me “but I am speaking Hebrew!” to which I had to clarify that I don’t speak Hebrew well. So sometimes now when I want to just want to do my errands quickly, I intentionally wear a hat and don’t respond in Hebrew and get to play tourist a bit.
You have a very interesting and informative blog that you and another woman have created. How did this blog come to be? How has it evolved and what are your hopes for it?
We actually wrote a post recently for our third anniversary about how the blog came to be:
As for my personal hopes, I have to say that they have all been vastly exceeded at this point. We wanted a fun outlet to share our thoughts and hoped we’d get a few readers, well we have many more than a few now and are constantly amazed and humbled by the community which has developed from it. I can only hope that I continue to have things to say which other people are interested in reading, and give a unique perspective which adds to the conversation.
I do also hope to have a spin-off project (for lack of better vague description) in the future which has largely been inspired by the wonderful conversations and connections which Redefining Rebbetzin has provided.
What are you grateful for right now?
I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to live and learn in Israel for two years with my amazing husband.
I also want to thank you, Andrea, for adding your blog to the communal conversation. We need more women who are willing to stand up for the beauty in covering and the meaningful ways to enhance this mitzvah. It is an honor to be included in your Wrapstar project amongst these other fabulous women!
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This week’s Lady Wrap Star is Rivki Silver! I discovered Rivki through her blog, Life in the Married Lane, and after reading her “about me” and seeing that she was a fellow musician (clarinet and piano) and also liked Star Trek, I had to send her a message! My husband and I recently met her in person during a recent trip to where she lives, and I must say that she is even more lovely and inspirational in person! I was very excited to ask her some interview questions:
Hi Rivki! Can you tell us a bit about yourself, ie how do you choose to spend your time, where do you live, hobbies, family etc.?
Let’s see, where to start? We currently live in Baltimore, though we’ve also lived in Cleveland and Memphis. My “official” occupation is a stay-at-home-mom, and much of my day is spent with my three kids, the oldest of whom is four years old. So, that keeps me pretty busy! In between the meal-preparation, diaper-changing and playtime, I’m also in charge of the laundry, cooking, and general tidiness. It really is a full-time job to keep a house running, but our home is our own little sanctuary, and it gives me pleasure to work to create a happy space for my family.
So, in the free time which somehow still exists, I also write and play music, do a blog and vlog for Partners in Torah, try to post weekly on my personal blog, Life in the Married Lane, participate in Rabbi Aryeh Nivin’s chabura, learn with my Partner in Torah, and play in a community band. Wow, that seems really crazy, but somehow it works.
How long have you been covering your hair?
I started covering my hair when I got married a little over five years ago.
When people ask you why you cover your hair, how do you usually respond?
It’s been a while since anyone asked me why I cover my hair. If someone does ask, I usually offer a brief explanation about how Jewish law teaches that once a woman gets married, her hair becomes spiritually charged, and she keeps it covered to protect the holiness. The only man who gets to see it is my husband, and it’s like a special treat just for him. If the person seems interested, I’m happy to talk more about it, but generally, I keep it relatively short.
What do you tell your children about it?
My children are still small, so we haven’t gotten beyond “Mommy covers her hair.” They know the difference between my different hair coverings (sheitel, tichel and hat), but that’s pretty much it at this point.
Can you give us some scarf tying advice, based personal experience? (ie you hair type, face shape, colouring, lifestyle, etc.)
I started out using square-shaped scarves, folding them in half to make a triangle and doing a basic bun-style tichel. Sometimes I would put a stretchy headband underneath to hold it in place more securely. I like cotton-blend scarves because they don’t slip as much. In the past year or so, I branched out to rectangular-shaped scarves, which gives me a little more height, as opposed to the bun-style, which tends to be flat to my head. I have an oval-shaped face, and I’ve found that both styles work with my face. For the rectangular scarves, I like to work with a cotton-based material, as opposed to jersey. It also helps to do a big bun-style tie underneath the rectangle, to provide some volume in back.
What are your favourite kinds of scarves and colours that you like to wear?
My current preference is to use colorful scarves. I used to stick to more neutral colors (they match more outfits!), but I’m trying to make my wardrobe more vibrant, so now I keep my eyes out for scarves will more personality. I gravitate toward navy blue, purple and teal.
How did you feel about hair covering before you got married? What about now?
Before marriage, I never really thought much about hair covering; it was just something I was going to do. Now it has become such a integral part of my life that I feel a little naked if my hair is uncovered. It’s like a part of me is missing. I love how each hair covering gives me a different look. My absolute favorite part is that it drastically reduces the amount of time needed to get ready in the morning. When I’m running out to take my four-year-old to his preschool, I can get stick my hair in a bun and pop on a hat. It is the best. If I want to be a little fancier, I can put on a beautiful tichel, and it makes me feel so regal. Much better than the washing, drying and straightening routine I had with my hair pre-marriage. Also, my hair is super-healthy now that I’m not constantly abusing it. Bonus!
Do you have any funny or inspiring hair covering stories that you would like to share with us?
When I was newly married, I worked in an office where I was the only Jewish woman. It was in a town that does not have a large Orthodox population, and it’s likely I was the first (and perhaps only) Orthodox women my co-workers had encountered. At the time, I only owned one sheitel (wig), and the time came for it to be washed. It wasn’t ready by Monday, so I wore a tichel to work. One of my co-workers asked me how many times a year I had to cover my hair. When I told her “all the time,” she responded, “but I see you with your hair all the other days.” So I revealed that it wasn’t my hair, but a wig, and she wouldn’t believe me until she was able to inspect it the next day!
You have a beautiful blog called Life in the Married Lane. What made you start blogging? How has your writing style and the topics you choose to discuss evolve over the years?
I started blogging when I was studying for a year in Israel. That first blog was called “Inspirations from the Holy Land.” Its purpose was a way for my friends and family to keep up with me while I was abroad. When I came back from Israel and got married, I started a new blog (I was no longer in the Holy Land, unfortunately), and it served the same purpose. That was over five years ago, and slowly, it has grown into a beautiful community of women who I am so glad to have in my life.
My style has evolved because now I’m aware that people I don’t know personally are reading my blog, and that I’m kind of representing Orthodox Judaism, so it’s a certain level of responsibility. I would say I’m more thoughtful about my posts now, and take more time to try and clearly express my thoughts, to make sure that I’m accurately representing Judaism, and myself. I’ve also scaled back on sharing details about my personal life, unless I think they would be helpful or inspiring to others. I’ve started writing a lot more about Judaism than I intended, but someone my religious posts seem to be my most popular. So that’s what I’ve gravitated toward.
What music are you loving lately?
Lately I’ve been really digging Anat Cohen, who is a phenomenal clarinetist/saxophonist/composer. She plays jazz. I heard her on Fresh Air, and I was smitten. I purchased her newest album, Claroscura, and it has been in heavy rotation. I’ve also been listening to Shalsheles Junior, which is simple and upbeat, and gets my energy flowing. Also Beethoven’s 4th and 5th piano concertos, Chopin’s preludes and etudes, Ast by Pachora (another jazz combo with clarinet) and some Yosef Karduner, who really speaks to my soul with the simplicity and devotion of his music.
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This week’s “Lady Wrap Star” is someone that I really want to meet in person one day and get to hear her life story. Meet Maya, a woman that I have had the pleasure of finding through the internet and has some VERY interesting things to say about hair covering and modesty. I will say no more! Read on…
Lady Wrap Star also known as: Maya Resnikoff
Tell us a bit about yourself! How do you like to spend your time? I work as a hospital chaplain. I’m actually doing my residency right now, which is a one-year program involving nearly full-time work, plus clinical pastoral education, which makes it a fairly intense process. I have a long commute, and spend most of it reading- I love science fiction and fantasy, and that’s what I stick to, for the most part. In my free time, I crochet, watch (mostly old) TV with my husband, bake bread, play boggle and blog at http://www.howtocover.blogspot.com about- you guessed it, head covering.
How long have you been covering? I’ve been covering my head for something like 9 years. First, I would wear kippot or folded scarves, when I was single. When I got married, I started to cover the vast majority of my head and hair. So now my coverings are dual-purpose items, for me, although sometimes it’s easy to forget that.
What is the one thing that you like best about covering your hair? I love the creativity that I can apply to my covering. I have always enjoyed playing with fabric, and this is just a lot of fun. I like the way that it looks and feels, too. It’s a lot more fun than doing my hair used to be. I have all these possibilities, and they don’t involve hair spray.
I notice that you wear glasses – do you have any suggestions for fellow glasses wearers that wear head scarves? I never thought of the combination as being complicated. Actually, I’ve found that my scarf helps to keep my glasses on. I have to push them up much less often now than I did before I was married. I think getting your glasses settled comfortably before tying your scarf is key.
What are you wearing on your head today? I’m wearing an Israeli square scarf with the ends loose, and a braided purple scarf over it.
Do you remember the first time you wore a head covering? What did it look like? How did it feel? What did others say?
I’m going to give this two answers. The first time I wore a noticeable head covering on a regular day, back in college, I think that it slipped by as a one-off. Really, I started by carrying a kippah for meals, but I started forgetting to take it off. So it was a pretty blurry boundary. But the first time I saw my parents after that, they definitely noticed.
The first time I covered fully was evening after my wedding. We had a late morning wedding, so afterward, we went to the hotel, showered and napped, and then realized that we needed dinner. So we went out, and of course, by that point it was 9pm or so, and everything in New Haven,CT was pretty much closed. We had frozen yogurt for dinner. Covering to go out felt pretty strange. I’d thought about it so much, and now here I was, putting it into action. I felt very conscious of it, and pretty self-conscious too. My husband and I talked about it, and how I was feeling as we went out. Then, of course, we didn’t see anyone we knew that evening, so I had that outing to sort of adjust a little bit. By the next morning, when we had brunch with my in-laws, it already felt a little less awkward, although it took some time to really adjust to.
Could you share a unique experience (or two) that happened to you due to covering your hair?
I’ve had a lot of people be quite shocked that I am, in fact, a Conservative rabbi, given the hair covering. But I’m not thinking of much else, right now.
Your favourite scarf and/or accessory:
I have a scarf from my mother, one she had and never wore, that I just adore. It’s brightly colored, and cotton, and I don’t know why it’s my favorite, it just is. I really enjoy accessories, and variety, but this one’s just my favorite.
What are some of your hair covering suggestions? Any secrets you would like to share with us?
I think my best tip is not to get tied down to any one style or approach. Let some days be “crown” days, and other days be “get it out of my way” days. Keep on playing, and have fun with what you do with your head.
What are you grateful for right now?
In the big picture, I’m grateful for my husband. In the small picture, I’m grateful for having just finished making a pair of crocheted socks, and for eating bread and butter.
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