I bought this scarf on a whim because light green is a colour that I’ve always liked on other people, but never thought of wearing it myself. I tried wrapping it today and… I think I like it! Definitely feeling the twists and accessories too – I am enjoying this flower pin from the gap (50 cents at a thrift shop, new with tags), and the colourful earrings. What do you think of the light green scarf? Is it something you would wear?
I am so happy to introduce you to this wonderful woman. Stephanie and I found each other over the internet when she was searching for hair covering resources, and recently we got to meet in person when she made a 4 hour drive to my hair covering workshop! You can see some pictures of her at the workshop here. Anyway, we talked for hours before and afterward, and I am so grateful to now call her a good friend. She is hilarious, wise, warm, giving, and tells great stories! Her journey and reasons for covering her hair are quite compelling, as you will read, and she does so beautifully!
Hi Stephanie, do you have any nicknames?
I do, Steph, Stephers, Step-on-me (when the kids – church or family – wanna rough house), sweetie, hon, hey you, and on it goes. 🙂 The newest reference of me that I’ve heard was some little kids who couldn’t remember my name from church calling me “the lady who covers her head”. I like that one.
How long have you been covering your hair?
I have been covering since approximately Nov of 2011, and I only cover part-time (we’ll get to the why).
What led to your decision to cover?
Well for me it’s an obedience thing. I felt as though I was being led to do it after praying and studying on it for about 6 months.
When people ask you why you cover, what do you say? Do you have a long and short version of what you tell people?
Yes there is a long and short version depending on how interested someone is.
Short version: I choose to cover because I believe it has been asked of me in the Bible and i want to obey.
Long version: I wear one because I believe we are held accountable for what we know. In studying the Bible one night I read this: “But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head” (the second word ‘head’ is referring to the order- God being head of Christ, Christ head of man, man head of woman- its explained right before that verse) 1 Corth 11:5. I certainly don’t want to dishonor my husband or God so I cover. Now there is a lot more to the verse (so please take a look at 1 Corinthians 11:3-16) but that specific part struck me. So I prayed about it for about 6 months and in that time I felt like God really wanted me to obey. I kept having “just obey Me in this” going thru my head. I did and I have felt like God has really blessed me for doing so. I wear them in church or anytime I’m in leadership or going to be publicly praying (and I let my husband define “public” for me). I have gotten to the point that if I am without my husband in public I will typically wear one (I go bare headed with him [unless we’re praying] since he loves my hair and I wish to respect him). I have tried many styles of covering but this one just fits me best. 😀
How has your community responded to your covering?
I live in a small town and to my knowledge I am the only non-muslim that covers in about a 50 mile radius (maybe more). That being said I do occasionally get the odd stare but typically no one seems to notice or care much, either way not a lot of attention is drawn to it, except for in church- I get ALOT of nice comments about it then – just this last week I had one of the older ladies look at my tichel and exclaim “you have GOT to show me how you tie those.” Needless to say that made my day.
Any cool experiences/realizations you have had since starting to cover?
I’ve realized just how much I wish to be more modest- not that I wasn’t considered modest by general standards but I desired modesty more. I realized that modesty does NOT have to be drab and boring black – but about how wonderful the things are, big or small, that you share with just that one person that makes you whole.
What are your favourite scarves and accessories?
Oohhh thats a toughie!! I think for me my favorite scarves are the variegated ones (I have a brown, blue and pink variegated ones) the wonderful thing about them is you don’t have to exactly match the color since all shades are included. My favorite accessories hummm I have too many to decide!! I strongly suggest a silver and gold thin scarf since these make wonderful additions in color, I make my own flowers and often pin them in on the side or back on my bun. Stick pins are terrific!! They are getting harder to find, so again I started making my own, then I make matching earrings so I have a nice cohesive look. Regular pins/brooches work – they just can be a bit harder to get in, however any pin will help hold together your layers to keep from slipping!
What do you find is the best way for you to tie your scarves when you consider your colouring and face shape?
I like height in the back, the BIG bun look. I don’t like height so much on the front half of my head – it seems to make my face MUCH rounder looking (so I stay away from the crown/dutch crown look). I also do a lot of the hanging tails (braided or not), I find that style helped me get used to not having my hair down to play with since I’m a hair twirler.
Any secret tips or tricks that you have?
ABSOLUTELY!! 3 big ones! 2 smaller one.
1) It sounds odd I know, but honestly I never use an undercap, headband or wig grip (my head is too round they slip right off), I use a pair of pantyhose!! You can leave the legs on or off- your choice (if you leave them on you can make a bun of them). When I use that I have to work pretty hard to get it to slip off.
2) You can make it or buy it, but if you have thin or short hair and want it to look nice and bigger at the back get a ‘bun enhancer’ (I bought mine at icing by claires’- and they come in multi colors and sizes) I have heard of others making theirs from a bath scrubs and even socks, so the choice is yours!
3) I know you have heard this from many sources (including our dear Andrea) but really don’t forget to wear earrings (and maybe a necklace) they REALLY help finish off a look! Personally for my round face I find teardrop or dangles work best (I try to stay away from hoops, loops and studs) if you don’t have dangle earrings you can find a great set of gold,silver and black teardrops at target for $5 and it will go with ANYTHING! (love mine they were a present from my father-in-law.)
4) If you wear glasses and you keep your ears ‘in’ then make sure you don’t tie it too tight or you will end up w/ pain from the glasses digging in above your ears.
5) If you want your hair to look pretty decent when u take off your wrap DO NOT wrap while your hair is still wet. You will end up with weird frizziness and VERY flat hair.
Do you match your head scarf to your outfit or the other way around?
Well it depends I suppose. usually match the outfit to the scarf but if I get something new then I work the scarf around the outfit. Usually I go by mood – if I’m feeling pink or purple I’ll assemble an outfit and scarf around that.
What are you grateful for today?
I am grateful for new friends, for my WONDERFUL husband, and a good day. 🙂
It’s cold, I needed to wrap something quickly, and I’m going to be outside quite a bit today. So of course, a pashmina is exactly what I need to wear! (See tutorial on how to wrap pashminas here.) I especially like this one because it’s so soft, warm, and the colour is beautiful. A pretty antique-y pin pulls the look together perfectly.
I have a feeling that a tutorial is going to be needed on this one! Hint: all it takes is one very large, light silk scarf, and a hair elastic!
There was a time when I went through a contrasting colour phase; All the colours I wore had to be contrast with each other, especially the ones on my head! Blue and orange, yellow and purple, green and pink, etc. would all make bold appearances together. However, lately I am going through a monochromatic phase where I will pair together blue and green, purple and navy, red and orange, and pink with blush. Today was no exception! What colour pairings are you loving lately?
Meet this week’s Lady Wrap Star! I used to call Anna my mentor, and now I am very proud to call her my friend! I made sure to ask her some specific questions about Judaism and hair covering, since many of you have asked. For those of you that don’t know, many Jewish women also cover their hair with wigs (sheitels). Anna covers with both wigs and scarves, and refers to both in the questions she answered. And yes, in one of the photos she sent, that is me standing beside her before I started covering my hair. Anna and her husband, Marc, and twin girls, Nechama and Zissie live in Toronto. When you are finished reading her interview (and checking out her lovely head coverings), you should take a look at her blog called Double the Fun We Are One 🙂
Lady Wrap Star also know as:
Anna Sherman
Tell us a bit about yourself! How do you choose to spend your time?
Thank G-d, my life is filled with things that I love! Most of my time is spent taking care of my 9-month old twins, Nechama and Zissie, working on my Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy to become a marriage therapist in Boulder, running our household, preparing Shabbos for our many special guests, working on shidduchim (matchmaking) and writing for my blog. When I do find some time to myself, I run out to Zumba class, spend time alone with my awesome hubby or meet a friend for coffee.
What is the best thing that has happened to you today?
My daughter, Nechama gave me a hug and a kiss!
How long have you been covering?
Since the day I got married, almost three years.
What is the one thing that you like best about covering your hair?
For me, covering my hair is about more than just the actual halacha (Jewish law) of covering. My hair was always something I loved about myself and something that made me feel more attractive to the world, especially to other men. My husband really loved my hair when we were dating and would always compliment me on it. The act of covering my hair is about saving that special and unique part of my identity just for my husband. Covering my hair identifies me as a married woman to the rest of the world and I’m proud of that! I’m extremely proud to be married to my husband, for people to know that I am his wife and I am proud that we have an amazing marriage. The first week of our marriage when we went out in public, my husband looked at me and said,” I love that you are covering your hair and the whole world sees it. I love that they know that you are my wife and I am so proud to be your husband!”
Can you tell us a bit about Judaism and why you cover your hair?
The halacha about a married woman covering her hair comes from the story in the Torah about the Aishes Sotah, the adulterous woman. In the story of the Aishes Sotah, the Torah states that she is forced to stand up in front of the entire community and if she is found guilty, she is put in the most embarrassing situation. Her cap is removed, and her hair is unbraided and exposed in front of the entire community. From this story,we learn that a married woman’s hair is covered in public and that it is embarrassing for her to uncover her hair in front of others. There is much halachic discussion regarding what is the appropriate way for a woman to cover her hair and how much hair needs to be covered. Some say, she only needs to cover the crown of her head, some say all her hair needs to be covered, others say that a tefach (hand breadth may be showing.) I personally feel that the amount of hair and the way a married woman chooses to cover her hair is a very personal decision that should be made by the woman herself. A woman’s hair is part of her identity, as is the way she covers it. The way she chooses to cover it is an extremely personal decision which happens to be made very public. Therefore, I think that everyone needs to refrain from judgment and respect a woman for the choices she makes regarding how she covers her hair.
Any funny/vivid hair covering experiences that you would like to share?
One hair covering experience that vividly stands out in my mind is when I made the choice to uncover my hair. Sounds crazy, right? You see, before Marc, I was previously married to someone else for one year. It was a bad situation and I was lucky to get out of it unharmed, with no children. I always covered my hair during my first marriage and when I got divorced, I was faced with the decision whether I would continue to cover it (as many divorced women do) or chose to uncover it. Shortly before I received my get (Jewish divorce) I was visiting a rabbi whom I am very close with in Toronto. Without me asking him, he told me that I should uncover my hair when I got divorced. He felt it was the right decision for me. When I asked him why, he explained that for many divorce women, he felt that it was the right decision for them to keep their hair covered, especially if they had children. However, he explained that in my case, since there had never been a real connection or a decent relationship with my first husband, it was almost as if I had never been married at all. And since there were no children keeping me connected to him, he felt that there was no reason to hold onto any other reminders and have all these painful memories “hanging over my head.” So the day I received my get I uncovered my hair. It was liberating! I felt free of this burdensome life I had been carrying around, free to be myself and alive again. A week later, I was in a shoe store in Brooklyn and the Israeli shop owner asked me if I was single. I said yes, and he answered “Perfect! I have mamash excellent shidduch for you! (I have such a good match for you.) A wonderful Israeli boy, twenty-two years old!” (I was twenty-seven.)
Of course, now that I am married to the right person, covering my hair has an entirely different meaning, one of pride and connection, instead of burden and hidden secrets.
The only other thing I want to add to this point, is that as I mentioned before, just like the way a woman chooses to cover her hair is a very personal decision, so is the decision whether to uncover or to continue to cover her hair if she gets divorced. For me, it was definitely the right decision to uncover my hair when I got divorced, however, I did receive a number of very insensitive comments from people, ranging from “Who told you it was ok to uncover your hair?” to “You got divorced and you uncovered your hair???? We’re going to have to talk about this. I gotta hear the whole story.” After something as painful as a divorce, I was not in any shape to answer these questions, nor did I feel the need for everyone to be privy to my personal decision on this topic. The best thing to do when you see a woman who just got divorced uncover her hair is to tell her she looks great and ask how she’s doing. That’s it. Short and simple.
What are you wearing on your head today?
A warm and cozy grey wool beret with a flower on it.
Do you remember the first time you wore a head covering? What did it look like? How did it feel? What did others say?
The first time I wore a head covering after Marc and I got married was the day after our wedding and we went to meet his extended family for brunch. I wore my beautiful, long, Shabbos shaitel (wig) and my mother-in-law said that she wouldn’t have recognized me if she walked past me on the street 😉
What is your favourite scarf? Favourite accessory? Favourite hat?
I don’t really have a favourite scarf, I have so many beautiful scarves which I picked up in Israel on my many visits there. My favourite hat is a fuzzy, grey cap-style hat with a decorative ribbon flower in the front which I got in New York.
What are some of your hair covering suggestions? Any secrets you would like to share with us?
Although I love how some women wear fancy tichels layered one on top of another, or with the volumizer underneath, I am someone who gets a lot of headaches and these fancy tichel arrangements never worked for me. I have found that when it comes to tichels, I’m better off wearing one or two at a time, and if I want that volumized look at the back, I take a cotton cap and stuff a pair of rolled up socks in the back. Then I tie the tichel over top of that for a more elegant look. I also always wear a velvet headband called a wig grip under my tichels to keep them from slipping.
I find that if you choose to cover your hair with tichels or hats, earrings and make-up can make a world of difference to the way you look and feel. The right earrings and a little make-up can brighten up your face and change your whole appearance.
What are you grateful for right now?
So many things. Mostly my amazing husband, my beautiful girls and my supportive family and friends.
… that seem to get the most notice 🙂
Yesterday for a performance, I wore this square “silk” scarf (it can’t be silk… cost 10nis aka <$3 in the Jerusalem market) with a complimentary headband. Instead of letting the tails hang down the back, I pulled them to the side. Of course, everyone that commented on it was surprised to find out that this is something I do every day and wasn’t just for fashion.
This hat is pretty kooky, but I get compliments whenever I wear it… perhaps others are just humouring me? Either way, *I* like it!
I love the colour brown. I secretly (or not so secretly) yearned for brown hair, but never coloured it because I was given such a lovely shade of blonde. Now that I cover, I can make my head any colour that I please!
This wrap is an easy adaptation of the regal wrap. Instead of wrapping the second strand flat over my head, I gave it a twist!
The rainy weather today called for a simple regal wrap turban. This is by far my most worn style – it’s so easy once you get the knack of it, and everyone always asks how it is done! There are no limits to how casual or fancy it can be, especially when you factor in accessories 🙂
My trusty sari scarf when I need something dressy, that matches everything and is easy to tie… never fails! (For a tutorial on how to wrap one of these, take a look HERE.)
Today is one of those “get lots done fast” days, so I did a quick simple bun wrap in the morning with a comfortable cotton scarf (will be dressing up fancier for tonight!)
Inspired by my dancer friend, I decided to try a high bun wrap for today:
To do this one, just make sure that you have your hair (or volumizer or whatever) high up on your head, then tie one square scarf in a basic tucked in wrap. Then I took an israeli scarf, folded it up and wrapped it around the bun part, tucking the ends in 🙂
So… I started the day off with a beautiful navy and turquoise wrap:
But someone (*cough) didn’t account for the purse/backpack straps that I would be taking on and off all day, so a switch was needed because the hanging tails kept getting tangled. Luckily I brought along a hat! So now the rest of the day will be spent in this:
I really like this hat! It matches so much of my wardrobe and is the perfect size.
Hope you’re all having a lovely day!
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