When I got engaged, Wrapunzel was just a little (although fabulous) blog. There was no store yet, but my relationship with Andrea led me to a lot of exposure to great wrapping technique. I loved the scarves she wore, and I watched her videos in the days leading up to my wedding. After my marriage, and especially as Wrapunzel grew, I explored almost every type of wrap I was exposed to. I collected scarves in every color, pattern and texture under the sun. I tried every tutorial and video. And I got good, really good, at wrapping.
practicing wrapping in the pre-wedding days
Eventually, though, I realized that ‘having it all’ wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. More and more, I would have the disappointing experience of finding a scarf that I LOVED in the store, or in the photo on a model… but once I had it, it just didn’t work on me. Or I would find this amazing style that a fan had made a tutorial for. It looked absolutely royal on her, so how come it just looked awkward when I tried it? Even more confusingly, by this point, I knew it wasn’t due to bad technique. I was doing everything right, so why did it feel wrong?
On the flip side, I had discovered several colors, scarves, and wrapping techniques that were absolutely 100% dependable. When I wore these, I felt like “me.” They were easy, comfortable, elegant and happy. On the days when I tried those tutorials and scarves that just frustrated me, I would end up after hours of trying going back to these, that I came to think of as my ‘classics.’
one of the first true personal ‘classics’ I found – a layered Shira Tails wrap. I LOVED wearing this!
I recently started reading a book called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” by Marie Kondo, with my husband. It’s about getting your house into order. The author’s central idea is that we create the best environment for ourselves when we select only the belongings that bring us joy, and release ourselves of the obligation and responsibility to keep everything else. It’s a brave and difficult thing to do (especially with the amount of purposeless clutter most of us accumulate), but this little idea has been creeping its way into other parts of my life and even into my tichel wardrobe.
My closet. And actually, there’s a third railing since this photo was taken. Option overload!!!
When I come across something new, I am still going to try it. A tutorial, or scarf that I think I might like – it’s worth a try, and I don’t want to miss what might become a new ‘classic’! But if I try it and it doesn’t work, I’m going to decide that it’s a great wrap, but just not for me. And that’s actually something to celebrate: I learned a lesson about what works and what doesn’t! A valuable piece of information!
It’s not a bad thing that not everything is my style. In fact, I would much rather be surrounded by a smaller amount of scarves, all of which I love. I don’t need to own every scarf type, wear every color, or do every wrapping style. I am releasing myself of the obligation to have it all, and to keep trying wrap styles that don’t make me feel good. I’m giving all those unused scarves to other homes, where they will be loved and appreciated. I am giving up, and it feels so good! Will you join me in giving up what’s holding you back?
20 thoughts on “Naomi Rose: When Giving Up is a Good Thing”
Hi Naomi, I fully understand you and I agree with you. But – unlike you – it took me half my life to learn this lesson :-).
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I can totally relate! It wasn’t half my life, but I did spend over a year wearing things that didn’t really reflect who I was inside before I started to catch on! I’m so glad I’m finally figuring this out. 🙂
I have just read this blog again (curious for the other comments) – and I wonder why you wrote that you “loved” the green and purple shira tail wrap. This is the most beautiful picture I have seen of you so far (and I love your style), the colours look amazingly on you. I do hope you haven’t turned your back on that marvellous combination?
No way! 😀 I just wrote it in past tense remembering the first time I put it on. It has definitely been repeated!
Oh good 🙂
We’ve been going through a more determined cycle of this at our house as well. We’ve culled the bookshelves. I’m considering culling the china/dish closet as well. I really, really like dishes, and I have enjoyed collecting them over the years. Lately, they have become more of a burden than a joy.
I feel this more keenly when I think of pioneer women packing all their family’s belongings in a covered wagon. It’s not that I want or need to fit all our possessions in a covered wagon. I am certain, however, that our family shouldn’t require quite as many covered wagons as would be necessary at the current time.
Thank you for the encouragement!
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I love the clean-up closets seasons.I feel good about organizing things and I feel even better when I give away clothes, toys, and other stuff to other people. This act releases my mind from attaching myself to material things. This post was so providential because today I was selecting some clothes of my daughters to a giveaway, and i was thinking about seriously disconnecting from any technology once a week to be silent. Just a great reflection you made, thanks! Maybe someday I’ll have scarves enough to share with the sisters (I’m still collecting my first scarves).
Gd bless you!!!!
Coinsedentially I’ve been thinking the same this week. Looking at my rack of scarves, I realized there’s a whole lot of scarves that I don’t use, primarily because of the texture or color which just doesn’t look well on me. Love the color etc. but they just don’t work. Thanks for your post, it helps a great deal, in general as well 🙂
Naomi, this is a lesson I have to learn over and over again. I have to keep telling myself that what I see in the picture won’t look the same on me. That style/ colour/ pattern is not for me, even though it looks amazing in the picture.
I have also started to weed out tichels, (and other items too) though I fear I have not been ruthless enough.
I also have to commend you for bringing this message out in the middle of launching a new collection, as it is so easy to get excited and carried away by all the new options. In such times, I have also become very excited, and overbought, some items which work well for me, and others which end up not getting worn. Thank you for bringing balance to this season.
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I relate totally to what you have wrote Naomi Rose. I remember how excited I was when first buying a kaly and matching head band. Because it gives more of a turban look it just wasn’t me at all. The colour was great but the style as is was not me. I still have the set but I use it more as an ‘under garment’ now with something complimentary over the top with tails, and then the head band over the top of that. Makes mental note: stick to being ‘me’.
Am a bit spooked to read thid message,
have way too many tichels that don’t work for me but don’t live in an area where i can give them away and have been thinking of asking tje Wrapunzel staff/community:
Anyone up for making a gemach for kallahs either in EY or a community where colored tichelach would be appreciated?
After watching your two long scarves regal wrap tutorial, this past Shabbat I was determined to do it over my classic shaper (from which I had already removed half the pouf). After four tries (should have practiced the day before!), I accomplished it! It looked exactly like yours. I even had a flower pin. But I looked in the mirror and it wasn’t me at all. So I took it all off, put my oomphtasic scrunchie back on, and did a regal wrap with a tichel sash, tails tucked in for a little pouf, no flower. Much better. Thanks for sharing!
That little book made quite an impact on our family – it really helped us clear out before the arrival of our baby (and yes, some scarves went). That event, of course, brought its own clutter, but we’re slowly working on that. Letting go of things is wonderful mental and spiritual therapy.
I am also in the space where I am discovering more and more what “me” means, also stylewise. And interstingly, when I looked at my pile of scarves and the number of “trial” scraves that simply don’t work for me, I have thought about the possibility of an online scarf swap on Wrapunzel, so I simply post this idea here. What do you think about this? There are not many people around here who cover, so it’s hard to simply give them to someone who does.
this is a really good blog.i love cleaning out and i pretty much stick to the same wrap .but i do love having lots of scarfs much more than i need.and so ive decided to where all my colours to work and not jst the ones i bought for wrk and today everyone jst loved my bright spring tichel so it made my day and theirs.
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Reading all your comments here, I would like to ask if the mothers among you have made the experience that – in the years after giving birth – you felt the need to invent yourself anew? Or rather to throw off all rubbish and concentrate on a changed woman that you have found inside yourself? I do not quite know how to express myself, but that has happened to me. I had such a lot of clothes etc., even books, that all of a sudden didn’t fit me any more. And I do NOT mean the size 🙂 And during that process, I have really learned Naomi’s lesson of finding out what is good for ME.
I just started reading that book, too! And a very good post, Naomi. Good for you.
Very wise words. With that said, what do you do with scarves that just “aren’t you”. I have bought some thinking that was absolutely my color, but they aren’t! Is there a section at Wrapunzel where we could send our ones that just aren’t us so they could be gifted out to someone in need?
Great minds think alike! I’ve just purged about 40 scarves from my collection. I’m debating selling them on line or donating to the salvation army. My collection is still quite large. Eventually, I’ll pare it down even more as well. I’m doing my closets as well. Keeping some nicer items for going out with friends…theater, concerts, operas.
My…collection stems from my childhood. Coming from a less than wealthy LARGE family, we didn’t even have enough socks to share with my sisters. So once I began a good paying career, I started…accumulating…stuff. Now in my retirement, it is time to let go of things.
Although, I’ll still be collecting JRR Tolkien books!
Thanks for speaking out about this important concept, Naomi.