I have a love/hate relationship with the weekly ‘challenges’ Wrapunzel runs. I absolutely LOVE looking at the amazing tichel photos, and I look forward to hearing what the new challenge of the week is going to be! But at the same time, I rarely participate. I’m not a newbie tichel wearer, but I’m not as put together as the other posters! I have a hard time creating pleats and I never get lace to look nice on me without having it “hurt” later in the day. I’m never sure if I’m wrapping my tichel right, I just kind of “put-it-on”. I have lots of scarves in my collection, but I don’t really have the time to play with new wraps, and sometimes I just throw on a hat to do my grocery shopping. I feel like everyone else goes to Target while wearing an amazing tichel. I dunno, seeing the photos makes me feel dowdy. Any advice?
The Frumpy Tichel Wearer”
Dear Wrapstar –
So, first of all, repeat after me: I am not dowdy. I don’t care if you are wearing a pair of oversized sweats with pink fuzzy socks while reading this — you still are not dowdy.
It sounds like you are feeling a little overwhelmed and even a bit insecure about your tichel wrapping ability. The goal of the “wrapunzeledin” challenges was never to make anyone feel intimidated, but I can feel your frustration.
I’d like to share with you something that one of my favorite professors used to say constantly. She told us to remember that when we entered a patient’s room, even if we had worked with the patient 2 million times, we were still walking in “IN THE MIDDLE.” What does this mean? When walking into a patient’s room, we were seeing a snapshot of the person. We were seeing one moment from that person’s life. If we were to run into him at another time while in Starbucks, we would like see a totally different snapshot. But in the hospital, the patient is in the middle of some type of crisis.
Even if in theory we know “everything going on” in the crisis (especially since we have a medical chart), the truth of the matter is that we are only able to see part of the story. We really don’t know what happened five minutes before. Did the patient just find out that he has to stay another night? Even though we might have known about that possibility, maybe the patient didn’t. Maybe in addition to the crisis lens, we also need to apply the “missing my pet cat” lens. Did the patient’s best friend just come by for a visit and she brought smoothies with her? That can change the lens as well.
Why am I blathering on about being “IN THE MIDDLE”? Well, because that’s exactly what an Internet selfie is! You are logging into the conversation and entering “IN THE MIDDLE.” The beauty of the Wrapunzel Fangroup is that it connects many Wrapunzelistas and gives us a sense of community. Many of us don’t live close enough to each other to socialize in person, and the Fangroup offers that opportunity. At the same time, the picture that someone posts captures only one moment from a person’s day.
The photos in the Fangroup are just that – photos. They don’t tell the whole story. They tell only the information that the poster feels comfortable sharing! And while there is that rare breed that manages to look good all of the time, the truth is that the rest of us are usually “winging it” as we go. That gorgeous tichel someone posted might have taken three attempts to accomplish. Even if the poster wrote: “I had some frustration this morning,” since a picture is worth a thousand words, your brain will register the picture over the comment.
Someone else might have cropped out their tummy/chest in order to hide the fact that they’ve recently gained or lost weight. Another person might have artfully used a necklace to quickly cover a ketchup stain that an adorable toddler blessed mommy with during lunch. Another wrapstar might be posting a photo during her thirty-minute lunch break – the first time all day that she had a second to tie a tichel or apply makeup. Had you seen her two hours prior while she was on the phone dealing with “that client” (you know, the one that makes you question your career choice), she would have looked slightly less polished. Or or or or or….the list is endless.
Also keep in mind that people tend to use their nicer photos as their profile pictures. So while you always see “Tamar Adina Campbell” commenting on Facebook from behind a profile picture that looks phenomenal, the real me might be typing while sitting on the couch and wearing a raggedy old college sweatshirt (yep, guilty as charged).
So while it might look like everyone else is “constantly put together,” very likely that is not quite the case. Some women will wear tichels for a week, and then take a break from elaborate ties while dealing with a sick spouse, or while on a business trip. With the number of women on the Fangroup nearing the thousands, you might not realize that a particular poster only puts a selfie up every few days.
But – (because I know there is a but), what about those women that post a tichel of the day everyday?! Or those women that I know in real life that always seem to look good? Well, the truth again might be that you are again only joining “IN THE MIDDLE”. You see the one selfie that looks amazing, you don’t see the 5 others that were deleted. You see the one tie that looks great, you don’t see that moment where she ran around trying to figure out where her shaper disappeared to.
Lastly, remember that we are our own worst critics. Nobody else will judge us nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves. So while you look in the mirror and see a messy back of the tichel, or a pleat that isn’t perfect, nobody else is giving you condemnation. In fact, it’s more likely that you will inspire someone to share their own wrap! So keep your chin up, and be proud of what you can do – we are all doing our best, and that means different things at different times.
12 thoughts on “Tamar Adina on “Tichel Intimidation”!”
LOVE this post! So honest. I can really relate. Thank you 🙂
Good post, Tamar. A little musar is good for everyone.
I love your analogies and explanations. Being an RN, I know what you mean in the hospital. I have had patients I’ve seen later at a restaurant, and they ask if I remember them. I say, that if you had on a hospital gown, yes, it would help:)
I think a great explanation would be looking at the video Melissa did recently and having to pause to give the baby a pacifier. And, Andrea doing one with her baby nearly knocking over the stand with the computer. We all have lives that no one sees in the one photo.
I entered my photo only once-the first with the multicolored scarf. It took me a half hour to get it tied with pleats just right (while my husband was telling me that we needed to leave. I took five photos of front, head down, side, and my husband took back of my head. It took me ten minutes to choose which two to email Naomi Rose. (I’m not on Facebook, so I don’t see all the fabulous photos that other post all the time.)
Look at it as a fun challenge and see what might work. How many times have we read that Naomi Rose or Rachel discovered a tie totally by accident? The whole idea is not feeling alone. Knowing that there are others out there who are struggling just like you or me. We need to laugh at ourselves.
Rachel, maybe a challenge would be what is the craziest tichel tie you have done. Give us a chance to go a bit crazy and in Hebrew, mishugah. We need to learn to laugh at ourselves and realize it all take practice and patience and only G-d is perfect. I’m a perfectionist so I completely understand. So, let’s just have fun, try new things, and go a bit off the wall! Nice to know I’m not alone!
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What a great post and what a great reply. ❤
This is so true and I always try to remember this when I spend time on the fangroup.
Oh wrapunzel ladies….how I love you all and treasure each and every one of you!
Great post as always. Thanks for adding the “out takes”. Especially like Naomi Rose’s and Rachel’s pics at the bottom. That is real life right there. To be honest I personally take at least 15 sometimes 20 selfies to find that perfect pic to post to the fan group. And some days I shove my hair into a slouchy beret because I just do not have time to wrap. We have all been there.
I love this post! There are times when I feel flummoxed by the challenge of the week too. I resolve to at least give all of them a try but some of the recent ones, pleats, green, and the extreme one scarf challenge gave me a run for my money. I think the challenging ones do help me grow however. They flex my creativity and help my clarify what will work for me. I’ve only been wrapping daily for a few months and I really look forward to the weekly challenge as a way of putting some more fun into things an speeding up my learning curve.
Tamar Adina, that was a beautiful article. Thank you. I enjoy reading your posts and seeing your beautiful wraps.
Regarding the affirmation at the beginning of the article, “I am not dowdy.” I would like to offer a tiny perspective shift. Affirmations are powerful life changing tools when used correctly. I have learned that affirmations are life affirming statements that are most powerful when stated in the positive. For example: “I am a Divine Spirit animating a beautiful body,” brings our attention to the spirit and also to the beauty of the body as it was created in perfection by the Infinite Intelligence. When we say, “I am not dowdy,” we are bringing our attention back to dowdy, even if we are saying we are not that. For example; when I state, “I am not lazy,” my mind is running through the storage files coming up with “lazy” associations and images. However, if I state, “I am productive and capable,” my mind will bring forth images that affirm that statement. So dear wrapunzel ladies…. How about this one?
“I am a shining light, animating a beautiful body, that was created in the image of God.”
“In the middle”… what a loving thought! I moved and all but 2 of my tichels were in an unaccessible box. So I alternated… when I wasn’t wearing the cotton beret that I wore for traveling. Then my mother was hospitalized and in rehab for about a month and all I had the inclination to wear outside the house was the beret or a comfy snood. It’s only my perspective that judges myself. Nobody stops me and asks where my fancy wrap is. Mom is recovering, I unpacked another box and found some tichels and hats. Thank G-d for some perspective.
thankyou,thank you,Thankyou! This needs to be heard more,also in healthcare. Last week,I had a kidney pain attack.The paramedics that came,saw a fat lady on a ventilator just growling MORPHINE,NOW! when pain ceased some,they saw the true,silly me,that complimented their looks,asked one of them to marry me and generally could solve a problematic situation together with them.We had a great time,and when they left me,they said they will never forget me.Two moments,two different pictures.I embrace the imperfect,because that is all I am nowadays.But I can still be a Queen in my imperfections.
THANK YOU for this post! I too have felt discouraged, thinking that I’m the only one that are having tichel tantrums some days. (Although my bad hair days are much worse!) This post is giving me renewed courage, knowing that I’m not alone – THANK YOU!!