Hi Everyone!
We talk a lot here about modesty and how that relates to how we choose to dress! It’s definitely long overdue that I recorded some of my thoughts on modest dressing. These are things that I often say, but never actually sat down to put on video! Enjoy and can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
The Wrapunzel Blog 
Wow, thank you. That’s helped clarify a lot. Can I ask as a Torah observant Jew where do you stand with trousers and leggings, under a dress for example as well as on there own? (I hope that made sense). Anna x
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I personally do not wear trousers/leggings unless the skirt part of the dress hits my knees, but of course since this is Judaism, there are many that follow different parameters!
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Wonderful video. I try to make sure I’m dressing age appropriate too. Not dressing like I’m in my 20’s when I’m almost 50.
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I agree: modesty is a very personal thing. It depends on your religion, your upbringing, your cultural background, the country where you live…one size does not always fit all. As long as we make an effort to respect each other’s choices, even if we do not always agree with them, things should work out well.
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Love this. Adore it. I prayed for that kind of video, and here it is !
What you said is exactly what I needed to hear today. It made a “pop” inside, and I waited for it for so long. Here is what I could understand from your video:
We are “creators” and “carers”. We really do, as women. And this is why we have to be modest in all possible ways. To be modest means that we do not need “all that stuffs in plus”. We do not need things to make us lovable and pretty. We are already loved and pretty, and we knows it deep in our heart and soul.
By being modest, we are true beings, true women. We bring “the inside to the outside”. We can create in darkness and bring it to the light. I’m not only talking about babies and pregnancies. This is one thing (the greatest of all, yes). But we can cook, we can heal, we can transform things. We bring light ! All we touch can become “gold”. And prouding ourselves about this “gold” will not bring us more love.
Once we truly understand this, and only once then, we can be and show to the world who we really are. Only great souls will see us for who we really are. Only then we will truly be loved.
Thanks for having created that lovely video. It was eye opening !
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YES!!!!
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I remember seeing photos of you from a few years ago when you used to show a bit of hair in front. Not much but then I saw photos in which you stopped doing that.
Before I started covering my hair I had thought I’d keep some wispy pieces of hair showing and a bit in front. We’re inspired by so many things and other people. I know for certain you inspired me to want to commit to this mitzvah to the highest level I could right from the start. Thank you Andrea.
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Yep – those photos are from when I used to teach at a public school and it felt more appropriate to show a little hair. I also showed a little hair at my friend’s wedding a year ago because I felt it was more appropriate for the event. I would also wear a sheital if I needed to for an event.
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Thank you for this video! This morning I was bringing my daughter to school, and was looking down, because I was feeling uncomfortable with the shirt I was wearing, and then I opened your video, and looked down at my shirt, and thought, yep, My Creator is talking to me and sending me a messenger! The shirt has to go 🙂
For me it helps to think when I look in the mirror, if I would meet someone I highly respect (for me its my rebbetzin) if I would feel comfortable in the clothes I wear. A friend of mine told me: if im busy with my clothes (meaning: pulling up a shirt all the time, or readjusting the skirt, or whatever) so it will sit right for 5 seconds, then it means its not modest. And if I’m not busy with my clothing, it means, its perfect, and I can focus on my light shining out!
Thank you Andrea! may Hashem give you only blessing to continue lighting up the world!
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Those are very good points! Can I mention them if I do a part 2 video?
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Yes, of course. Also, I understand you don’t want to make anyone feel badly or push what you feel or do but I believe…some women are interpreting for themselves what they believe the halacha is in terms of how much hair can show. I think I know where they’re getting that (I read it too) but, if it’s coming from where I think, and where I’ve read, there’s more to it than how it’s often interpreted. For those who would benefit from being…reminded, it’s a good one to ask their rabbi about. This may not be anything you’d want to address.
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Good point 🙂
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I agree in that different Torah observant (love this term) communities have different norms for what they consider modest especially as far as hair covering is concerned. So, asking your rabbi or rebbetzin is a great idea. Also, watching how the rebbetzin or rabbi’s wife wears her hair would also tell you what may be acceptable especially seeing her in different places such as shul or Shabbat or doing errands at the store.
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yes!
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Thank you for this, Andrea. I made the decision 2009 (after a hysterectomy) to change only to dresses and skirts, usually calf length. I then felt convicted not to show any hint of cleavage and only wear shirts with sleeves. Now that I am an observant Jew, I am more convicted than ever to “clean up my act”, although it takes time and money to buy new tops, and this is going to be a gradual process. One of your first comments was so true about how people look at the external first, and this has already been a bit of a problem here where Jews (orthodox and reform affiliated) are mainly secular in practice and dress. I had hoped to volunteer at our local Jewish old age home, visiting residents without family, but those ladies that I visited for the first time took one look at my headcovering, my maxi-dress down to my ankles and my shell underneath and didn’t want me to visit “because you’re too frum”. All my attempts to explain that I was just a normal person who just dressed modestly fell on deaf ears, which was very sad.
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Oy that is so sad! Hopefully they will come around…
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Jen, I am an RN, and I have worked in various facilities. Unless they require you to wear a uniform, I would look at this legally as a form of as discrimination. I could see them saying something if you were wearing some low cut top and very short skirts that would not be professional.
Dressing modestly can have a very professional look. And, covering hair in a health related facility has been the norm in the past. I remember as a new nurse having to wear my hair up and my nursing cap.
It just shows preconceived notions. Often people are fearful that you are going to try to make them be more religious. But, to me this seems like it might be discrimination.
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Thank you for this, Andrea. Great wisdom and helpful tips. I feel another wardrobe purge coming on. It is so enlightening to hear you talk about Judaism – you do your religion great justice.
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Andrea,
This is a great video. If you follow with a second in the series, maybe you can give some ideas on where to find modest clothing. I have a hard time finding tops that cover properly.
I have been re-purposing how some dresses that I can no longer wear as they are. I have two sleeveless long dresses and one short sleeve one (all ankle length), and adding a modest top underneath (usually one I purchased from Wrapunzel). Suddenly, I have three new modest looking outfits.
It is hard to buy clothes online, though. The online photos and descriptions can be deceiving. As soon as I tried them on, they went into the Goodwill donate pile. One blouse was TOTALLY see thru. I tried to see if wearing a shirt underneath would work, but the multicolored blouse nixed that. Another blouse what I thought were embroidered eyelit designs, but turned out they were cut open so there were holes all over the whole blouse. I was appalled! At least, they were on sale, but still what a waste of money that I could have used to buy something more modest.
The first thing, I did when I began to be more Torah observant (watching your videos led me to reevaluate my dress and to begin covering my hair). Then, I got rid of my jeans. It was hard to get rid of them as my mom who now has dementia and can no longer go shopping with me, they have more sentimental value. So, I have kept one in my closet just to remember shopping with mom. The only slacks I still have are very loose on me and could almost look like a skirt. I keep them for traveling cross country in our cargo van which takes a lot to climb up to get in. (For example, it is too high to fit in our garage.) So, climbing in with slacks is more modest than climbing up in a skirt.
An advantage to being petite, (5ft 0in or 1.5 m), it is easier to take a regular length skirt that goes to mid calf or even my ankles. But, I have trouble finding skirts that I Iike and fit well. Years ago, I learned to draft a 6 gore skirt and still have one full length (fancy) skirt and one that is mid-calf length. So, I guess it is back to the drawing board and sewing machine.
Tops are a different matter, though. I really love the tops (both 3/4 and full sleeves) that I bought from Wrapunzel last year. But, lately I notice that there are fewer remaining on the website. Will you be getting more in or are you dropping selling them? if you get more in, I will be buying them!
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Hi Diane! I am a big fan of Kosher Casual. They offer a lot of modest options in great quality and at good prices. Maybe you want to check them out?
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Katharina, Thanks. I will check them out. I appreciate the tip.
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Love this post! Modesty conscious women each define modesty in their own way and we need to respect those differences and each other. Modesty goes far beyond just what one wears and extends to how one behaves and what image they project of themselves as you so eloquently expressed. People, and especially women, are quick to judge each other, often based on looks alone, but before doing so should consider whether passing such judgment is an immodest act in and of itself. Thanks for sharing!
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You summed it up so well. You are so right in how women judge other women, especially in how they look. So sad, but true.
And, a good point too, that goes with what you said, is that modesty isn’t just how we dress on the outside, but acting modestly in our speech and behavior is also important. It is in our words, our smile, our posture, how we behave, as well as judging others favorably.
As Andrea pointed out, our outsides need to reflect the modest women we are inside.
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part of modesty inn halacha is not dressing in a way that draws attention to yourself. I personally like colour and live in a small community where wrapping the wrapunzel way is not so common. So whilst I feel that I am being “me” and not immodest, I do get asked about how the colour and creativity part fits into the modesty part. How would you respond to this? Perhaps something to address in part 2?
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Where does it say one should not draw attention to oneself? If you were to dress modestly in a sea of bikinis, that would certainly be drawing attention to oneself. There is a difference between drawing attention to oneself for show-offy reasons (bad) and drawing attention to oneself for being a kiddush Hashem 🙂
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Andrea, great answer! I agree and very well explained. It is the same as someone giving me a compliment in my skirt today. I am a fiber artist/quilter and I love being able to express myself in my wearable art. No one said we had to look ugly and wear only black. Besides, I’ve seen some very “sexy & sleazy” black dresses. So, adding color doesn’t mean it’s not modest. We can wear make up and jewelry, too.
When you say how much your husband likes you in a certain outfit or the way your scarves and tichels look, it is also a great test of how modestly you are dressed and look.
And, I love the way you explain in the video about how you decide if your outfit is modest and acceptable when you look at yourself honestly in the mirror. I love your facial expressions. It is a good litmus test for all of us. And, it is what I have begun doing. We intuitively know what is right for us to where.
And I would re-emphasize that different communities have their ideas of what is acceptable modest dress so I would ask your rabbi or rebbetzin.
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YES! Everything you said is so important! Thank you for clarifying! ❤
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Good Shabbos, Andrea. I attended a strict Bible college where we covered knees, elbows and colorbones and our uncut hair was considered a head covering. It took years for me to get fully back to this standard I knew was right. Now I cover my hair with other things but as you were speaking, I thought of the jeans in my dresser that my sister gave me. I’ll keep two pairs because it gets to 40 below here but 2 are going out, and i won’t wear the leftovers without a long tunic, because that’s who I am. I know why the covering is over knees and elbows and it’s undeniable. I have to be true to myself, to paraphrase Shakespeare, no matter what.
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